After the dust settled, my head cooled off, and it hit me: I’d fucked without a condom and Diego had come inside me. Panic shot up in my chest before it even turned into a thought. Getting pregnant now would be the end of everything. I told Carol to get off my fucking back—the Diego was taking me to the pharmacy. I should’ve showered and gone with him like a normal person. I didn’t. I was still horny as hell and we fucked again, right in the middle of the fear, like the second round could put off the pharmacy run.
After the dust settled, my head cooled off, and it hit me: I’d fucked without a condom and Diego had come inside me. Panic slammed into me right away. I couldn’t get pregnant—if that happened I was fucked. I told Carol to quit busting my balls because Diego was taking me to the pharmacy. I should’ve showered and gone with him like a normal person, but I was still burning up and we ended up fucking again.
I took the morning-after pill with my hands shaking. Went back home with my heart in my throat, straight to Isabella’s room. I already knew I was gonna catch another earful, but I had to tell her. She’d always been super protective, acting like she was my mom, and I knew, even scared shitless, that I could count on her help.
I shut the door behind me and just stood there, not knowing where to start.
— Isa… I need to tell you something.
She was lying down, messing with her phone. She lifted her eyes slow, already suspicious.
— What is it now?
I took a deep breath.
— I… I’m not a virgin anymore.
The silence got heavy. She sat up on the bed and tossed her phone aside.
— With who?
— With Diego.
Her eyes went wide.
— And what else, Rafa? There’s more, isn’t there? Spit it out!
My stomach flipped. She hadn’t even freaked that hard about the Diego part—we’d been living together, I basically already lived there. The real problem was what came next.
— It was without a condom.
Isabella just froze, staring at me like I’d said the dumbest fucking thing in the world. And right then I thought the same thing.
— Rafaella… — her voice came out low, loaded with disappointment. — Are you stupid? Seriously?
— I already took the morning-after pill. — My voice came out choked. — But I’m scared as fuck it won’t work. I’m in a total panic, Isa. For real. I can’t stop thinking about it.
She dragged both hands down her face, breathing deep, holding back a bigger lecture.
— After everything we’ve already talked about… all that talk about picking the right moment, taking care of yourself…
— I know — I cut in, almost crying. — I know. I already got a huge fucking lecture from Carol, I don’t need another one now. I just… I’m scared. And I wanted to know what you use to… not get pregnant.
Isabella stayed quiet for a few seconds before answering.
— I’m on the pill, Rafa. Every day, same time. Mom knows and she’s never judged me for it.
I looked up, chest still tight.
— You think she’d react the same with me?
She gave me a look that was more worry than judgment.
— I don’t know, Rafaella… Yesterday you were still a girl, today you’re already a woman. I don’t even know how Mom’s gonna take it.
She took a deep breath and kept going, firmer now:
— But first we gotta act. I’m gonna try to get you in with my gynecologist as fast as possible. Now listen to me: use a condom. Got it?
I just nodded, couldn’t look her straight in the eye.
— You hear me, Rafaella?
— I heard you.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Today was the day of the appointment with the gynecologist my sister recommended. I went with her, because alone I’d freeze up from embarrassment.
I spent the whole class thinking about it, rehearsing in my head what I was gonna tell the doctor. One thing I couldn’t forget: ask for the pill. That was the most important part. I’d taken the morning-after pill the same day of the fuck-up, but the fear of getting pregnant hadn’t gone away—it kept hammering at me. And guys—especially Diego—always dragged their feet with condoms. I wanted something more reliable, something that didn’t depend on their good will.
I showed up nervous as fuck. The doctor was younger than I’d pictured, hair pulled back, white coat, calm voice. She looked me straight in the eye when I walked in.
— Have a seat. Your sister can stay or would you rather talk alone?
I looked at Isabella. She nodded and stepped out, closing the door carefully. I was alone.
I told her everything. No frills, no minimizing—that I’d had sex for the first time without a condom, that Diego had taken me to get the morning-after pill right away, but that I was still scared shitless I might’ve gotten pregnant anyway, and that I needed to start something so I wouldn’t go through this again.
She listened in silence, taking notes. Then she asked if I knew about contraceptive methods.
— What’s the best one for me? — I asked, anxious.
She explained that, at my age, the low-dose pill was usually the simplest option. The IUD was also possible, including the copper one, but she preferred to start with the pill. The IUD required a procedure and, in my case, my parents’ authorization. The pill didn’t—I had every right to take care of my own health on my own.
She also talked about the benefits. Besides preventing pregnancy, the pill usually made periods lighter and reduced cramps; a lot of girls noticed a difference by the second or third cycle. But she warned about the initial side effects: it could cause nausea, breast tenderness, and spotting—a little bleeding every now and then outside of your period, some drops or a pinkish-brown discharge. She said not to freak out, that it was normal in the beginning and usually went away in two or three months.
She checked my blood pressure, asked if anyone in the family had ever had a blood clot or heart problems. Since it was my first visit, she was gonna order some routine tests, but I could start the pill today without waiting for results. She just stressed that for the first seven days I’d still need to use a condom if I had sex again.
That’s when she got real fucking emphatic about double protection:
— The pill protects against pregnancy if you take it right, but it doesn’t protect against STIs. If the guy doesn’t want to use a condom, it’s not happening. Your body, your rules. Keep condoms in your bag, negotiate beforehand, and if he refuses, walk away. It’s not worth the risk of HIV, HPV, chlamydia… those things can leave you infertile later. You’re young, you’ve got time, but you need to be responsible with yourself.
She gave me the prescription and the lab order right then. She gave me practical tips—take it at the exact same time every day, set an alarm on my phone so I wouldn’t forget. She asked if I had any more questions. I just shook my head.
When I walked out of the room, my sister was waiting in the hallway.
— So?
I showed her the prescription and the folded lab slip in my hand.
She didn’t say anything. She just said she’d go with me to the pharmacy.