I bolted out of his room straight to the bathroom, locking the door with my hands shaking like crazy. I needed a shower, but mostly, some time alone to digest my own fucked-up feelings.
I turned on the shower, letting the hot water scorch my skin, like that water could wash away everything that had just gone down. But it didn't, and I broke down right there, slumped against the cold wall, the sobs hitting hard, mixed with the hiccups I tried to muffle so no one would hear.
I admit, I fucking loved the shit out of all that. I came like a goddamn maniac, it was insane, my whole body on fire, shaking like hell—you know those orgasms where you think you're gonna explode for real? Holy shit.
The way they grabbed me, used me without mercy, made me feel like a goddess slut of sex, wanted as fuck, like the whole world revolved around my ass, my mouth, my body just giving it all up.
Fuck, the truth is there were two hot studs there, hung like horses, all for me—fucking me, driving me wild with horniness, soaking wet, dripping, begging for more. I felt on top of the world, after all I was just a girl... a dumbass teenager thinking she was the queen of the slut game, but deep down... deep down I knew that was all it was, right? It was just a fuck. They were just two horny bastards using me however they wanted, stretching me open, filling me with cum, tossing me aside like I was nothing but a warm hole for them to bust in.
And now, alone there, the lust turned into this huge empty void in my chest. I felt dirty, used up, thrown away, like I was just a toy. And the worst part: guilty as fuck. Adriano was Carol's ex, and I knew they still had something going on. How the hell could I do that to her? To myself? Like, what the fuck am I doing with my life?
I stayed in the shower long enough to let the tears flow free, mixed with the water, until my eyes swelled up. I got out wrapped in a towel, my body still limp, legs weak as shit, and went straight to Carol's room. I needed to spill or I'd explode inside.
I flopped onto her bed without warning, and she gave me that look like "what the hell happened now?", but there was no judgment in her eyes. I got straight to it, no bullshit: I told her everything. Diego telling me to suck Adriano, then making me suck both of them together, and after that telling Adriano to fuck me. She stayed quiet, listening with wide eyes, like she was shocked as hell.
"With Adriano, I don't even care, Rafa," she said in this super calm way, giving me the peace I needed. "That's in the past, he's an ex now. No big deal if you wanna hook up with him, he's cool and fucking amazing in bed, my thing with him was just skin-deep. Nothing more."
But then she furrowed her brow, and the tone shifted.
And I felt that silence before the blow-up, literally.
"But Diego—" her tone now was somewhere between pissed off and straight-up angry—"he has no right to do that to you."
She turned to me, taking a deep breath, choosing her words carefully and calm, and kept going.
"Rafa, he can't humiliate you like that, force you to..." she needed a pause to figure out how to say it—"do all those things you told me about."
That's when I couldn't hold it anymore. Everything I'd been bottling up in my chest came pouring out in pieces; my voice cracked, my chest seized up like someone stabbed me, and the words tumbled out jumbled between sobs I couldn't control:
"But I wanted it, Carol. I let it happen! I gave in! I obeyed like an idiot. I'm dumb, I know. But I thought..."
I swallowed the cry, trying to sort out the mess in my throat, tears streaming hot down my face. Trying to pull myself together a bit.
"I thought maybe, if I let him use me, if I did every damn thing he wanted, no matter how crazy, he'd like me more. That he'd really love me, you know? Like, see me as more than just a fuck."
She shook her head slowly, pity in her eyes.
"Rafa, he doesn't love anyone. He just wants to use you. I'm telling you, listen to me! Stop kidding yourself, cousin!"
She came closer slow, wiped the tears from my eyes, and gave me a hug so tight it crushed my soul.
"You're not dumb, Rafa," she whispered in my ear, her voice low and firm. "You're just trying to be loved, but in the wrong fucking way, cousin!"
I closed my eyes, letting one more tear slide down.
Deep down, she was totally right. I felt used, like a toy they tossed after having their fun. Empty, with a hole in my chest nothing could fill. And even though she said there was nothing left with Adriano, I still felt guilty as hell for betraying her trust.
To make it all worse, I was still confused as fuck, because part of me was throbbing with lust just thinking about it. If he called me again that night, I'd come running, throwing myself at his feet, begging for more like a little bitch. Because that's what I knew as love—pain mixed with pleasure, humiliation dressed up as passion. I was addicted to him, to all of it, even knowing it'd destroy me in the end.