Monday, May 18, 2015
5 PM
I set up a meet with Rodrigo at a spot where we could talk. It was late afternoon, the sun already dipping low, casting everything in that soft orange glow. I picked a place far from nosy eyes. He showed up and I was nervous as hell, couldn't beat around the bush, so I cut straight to it.
— Rodrigo… I gotta tell you something. And I want you to hear me out all the way before you say a word.
He nodded slow, eyes locked on mine. No judgment there, just this patience that made me even more jittery.
I laid it all out. No bullshit. Told him Diego hit me with that insane proposal. That he wanted to watch us fuck. That he swore he wouldn't lay a hand on me, wouldn't butt in, would just sit there in the corner like some silent spectator.
I told him I said yes. But the dumbass in me still figured seeing it would really fuck with him, stir up enough jealousy to make him want me for real, in a whole different way.
As I spilled it, I watched his face shift. His brow furrowed slow. Eyes went wide for a sec, then narrowed like he was chewing on every damn word. He didn't cut me off. Just listened. When I wrapped up, the silence hit heavy between us, only broken by the faint rumble of cars out there.
He took a deep breath, ran a hand through his hair, stared off at the horizon for a few beats before turning back to me.
— What the hell… he wants to watch? — he asked low, voice rough with disbelief.
— Just watch. He promised he'd stay put, keep quiet. Won't touch. Won't join in. — I hammered the rules home again.
Rodrigo shook his head slow, like he was trying to piece the puzzle together.
— Rafa… this is nuts. You know that, right?
— Yeah. — My voice came out quieter than I meant. — But I… I went for it. And now I'm telling you 'cause I don't wanna lie to you. Never have. You always knew I was nuts about him. Always knew that deep down, you were just a way to poke at him. To rile him up. And even so, you stuck around. Even so, you treated me right. Looked at me like I actually mattered.
He stared me down for a long stretch. I caught something flicker in his eyes — a mix of hurt, giving up, and weirdly, some softness.
— I like you, Rafa. For real. It's not just horniness. Not just wanting to bang. I like the way you laugh, the way you talk straight-up no filter, the way you let loose when you feel safe. And yeah… I knew you were using it to mess with him. But I figured, given time, you'd see I was right here, for keeps.
I swallowed hard. Mouth went dry from the gut punch of his words.
— I see it. I see you're here. And I like you too. I don't love you like I love him… but I like you. I like you a lot.
He cracked a small, sad smile.
— And even so, you wanna do this?
— Yeah. — I admitted, chest squeezing tight. — 'Cause some stupid part of me still thinks it'll work. That he'll see it, feel real jealousy for once and… want me different.
Rodrigo went quiet a bit longer. Then he breathed deep, like he was locking in on a hard call.
— Alright. I'm down.
My eyes went wide.
— You're down?
— Yeah. — He held my gaze. — But not 'cause I think it'll do you good. Not 'cause I think Diego's gonna change. I'm down 'cause… if that's what you need to finally get who the hell he is… then I'll be there. I'll give you what you asked for. With care. With heat. Like I always have. And when it's done… when you realize he ain't changing… I'll still be here. If you want me.
I felt a lump choke my throat. Didn't see that coming. Didn't expect him to just go along without fighting, without judging my ass, without trying to talk me out of it. He just… went along. And even threw me a lifeline after the shitstorm.
I reached out my hand to him. He grabbed my fingers, squeezed gentle. His palm was warm, solid.
— Thanks — I murmured.
He smiled again, this time laced with that sadness.
— Don't thank me. Just… promise that at the end, you'll be straight with yourself. About what you felt. About what you really want.
I promised. Even knowing, way down deep, that maybe I wouldn't have the balls to follow through.
To be continued...