It was an order, but it sounded like she was begging. And I really wanted to do it with her. Only I’d been exactly where she was, and I’d made the same call: losing my virginity to a toy, alone, so no guy could get that satisfaction. That’s what I used to say back then, all full of pride. Then I fucked a guy and saw it was better. Way better. That’s what froze my hand. Not her wanting it. It was me knowing that later, once she figured out the difference, she’d regret it.
She spread her legs wider and lifted her head off the pillow to look at me.
— Go on, let me know what it feels like inside me? I want it.
I didn’t answer. I brought the tip of the vibrator back to her clit and pressed harder than before, and she dropped her head back on the pillow with a moan that came out whole. I circled it there without moving off the spot, and when her hips started rocking with it, I slid back down to her entrance, just brushing it, just getting the tip wet, and came back up again. Harder. Always on the outside.
She grabbed the sheet with both hands and started moaning nonstop, one long sound, getting louder and louder, her legs shaking open on either side of my hand.
I didn’t leave her clit. I stayed right there, steady, same rhythm, and used my other hand to hold her thigh open because she was already trying to close around my hand. She let go of the sheet and both her hands went to my wrist. She didn’t push. Just held on, squeezing tighter and tighter, and her nails dug into my skin.
— Shove it… shove it… inside…
It all came out at once, no space between the words. Her moans got shorter, higher, one right after another, matching her breathing, and she started lifting her ass off the mattress to grind against the vibrator. I moved with her, not letting up, keeping the pressure.
She stopped breathing. Stayed like that for a few seconds, silent, hips up, whole body rigid, stomach locked, neck stretched back, mouth open with nothing coming out. I felt her pulsing against the toy, fast, one after another. Then everything hit at once. She screamed, let out the breath, her hips dropped back onto the mattress, and she kept shaking for a few seconds, little spasms twitching her leg on their own.
I switched off the vibrator and set it aside on the bed.
She clamped her legs together right away, rolled to her side and curled up tight, hands between her thighs, laughing and gasping at the same time, hair stuck to her face.
— You’re fucking good, huh? — she said, still out of breath, and had to pause to breathe in the middle. — I’m gonna die a virgin this way.
I laughed. I already knew I’d have to explain why I hadn’t shoved the thing inside her, and that it wasn’t gonna be quick. So I sat on the mattress, straightened up, and started explaining.
— Ah, Jú, sorry. I didn’t want your first time to be with a piece of rubber.
She went quiet for a second. The smile faded a little.
— Why? I asked for it.
I picked up the switched-off vibrator and stared at it in my hand.
— I know. I wanted to shove something in me too. Only then I did it with a guy, and it was way better. No comparison.
She didn’t say anything. Just kept looking at me. Her eyes fixed on me were wet from cumming so hard.
— My fear is you regretting it later, I don’t know.
She huffed, lay back, and stared at the ceiling. Her stomach was still rising fast.
— And how am I supposed to find a guy, Rafa?
She put her hands over her face and kept going.
— I’ve never wanted to fuck, never fallen in love, and I don’t even know if that’s ever gonna happen for real.
She pulled air through her nose, held it a second, and let it out.
— I think I’m a dyke, that’s gotta be it.
I let out a big laugh.
— Then, if you’re in doubt, fuck, go get some dick already, goddamn.
— What dick? Whose dick? — She flung her hand up and let it drop on the mattress, pissed but still laughing, body loose from the orgasm.
— I’ll introduce you to my cousin, how about that? And then the three of us fuck.
She turned her head on the pillow to look at me.
— That Diego you’re always talking about?
— Yeah, him.
She widened her eyes and didn’t say anything right away. Just lay there, still, staring at the ceiling, and I could almost read her mind: she was considering it.
— The three of us? Like… together? — She lifted her hand and made a vague gesture in the air. — Everybody touching each other?
— Uh-huh. — I handed it to her laughing, so there’d be zero doubt the offer was filthy. — He’s bossy with me, but he’s good people, he’ll respect you. Nothing’s gonna happen that you don’t want, I promise.
She pulled the sheet up and covered half her body, eyes still on the ceiling. It took her a minute.
— Okay, I’ll think about it…
I took her maybe as a yes. Of course she’d accepted, it was obvious. She was just gonna take a while to say it out loud, because that’s how we’re taught: feel it first, admit it later, and preferably never.
But right then it gave me a hell of a fire. I could already see the scene: the three of us in bed, her under Diego for the first time, the face she’d make, the sounds she’d make, and me right there beside them watching everything up close, not being the main piece for once. Holy shit. I got wet all over again, with nobody even touching me, just from imagining it. I squeezed my legs together and shifted on the mattress so she wouldn’t notice. She didn’t. Eyes closed, sheet up to the middle of her stomach, chest rising slow, already almost asleep.