The problem was that Diego was three times more impossible than Noah from the movie. Because, besides being my cousin, Diego was older, more experienced, more everything… and he had a girlfriend. And a stunningly beautiful girlfriend, at that. In my head, it seemed completely impossible that he could ever be interested in a little brat like me, who didn’t even know how to kiss.
Yeah… I had never kissed anyone. I was a total BV — virgin mouth. And it wasn’t for lack of opportunities, okay? There were plenty of boys at school constantly hitting on me. But I don’t know, I just wasn’t into making out just for the sake of it, kissing random people just so I could say I’d done it.
Carol was the only one who knew about my secret crush on Diego. She was always trying to snap me out of that illusion. Whenever the subject came up, she’d hit me with her realistic speech: “Rafa, forget it, he’s no good. He’s always cheating on his girlfriend. You deserve better.” And she’d keep pushing other boys on me, as if switching crushes was that easy. Like I could just pick another one from the menu and done. But the problem was that none of them made my heart race the way Diego did.
When the movie ended, both of us had tears in our eyes. I was still wiping my face with my hand when Carol turned to me with her usual mocking little smirk and said:
— Cousin, seriously, you need to stop being so shy. Let loose, girl! Kissing is amazing!
And she kept going:
— What are you waiting for? Prince Charming from Disney?
I just laughed. I loved it when she got like that — teasing me, making fun of me, but always with complete sincerity. I still tried to justify myself, even knowing she’d roast me for it:
— I don’t know… I just wanted it to be special, you know? With someone I really liked.
Carol turned off the TV, faced me directly, and said:
— Rafa… sometimes we wait so long for the right guy… But let me tell you: I’ve kissed tons of guys just for the sake of kissing, without feeling anything at all. And even then, the kiss was still good. Sometimes the special part isn’t the guy. It’s the moment itself.
And as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, she added:
— So why don’t you just kiss Felipe already? You know he’s crazy about you.
Yes, I knew that. Felipe was always inviting me to parties at his house. He went to our school, was about three years older than me, in his final year, same class as my sister. And on top of that, he was Júlia’s brother — my best friend. Felipe was really hot, popular, but he had a reputation as a player, the kind of guy who hooked up with lots of girls. And honestly? I wasn’t too keen on being just another name on his list.
Even so, Carol kept insisting. She was always telling me to get over her brother and give Felipe a chance. But I had my own worries, you know? What if the guy kissed me and then went around telling everyone I was BV… or worse, that I kissed badly?! God forbid I become hallway gossip. Can you imagine? “Rafa is still a virgin mouth!” Help! Just thinking about it made my stomach flip.
— Okay, if you don’t want Lipe… then there’s Adriano. What do you think of him?
She said it with total naturalness, like she was just suggesting a different ice cream flavor.
— We have our thing, but it’s just physical, just sex. I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to hook up with him. And honestly? I’m sure he’s dying to get with you too.
— Rafa, he’s hot, you know? — she continued, laughing. — That mouth of his… Damn! As a boyfriend he’s shit, but he’s really good in bed.
I let out a nervous laugh and replied:
— Oh, Carol, no! He’s good-looking and all… but he looks at me in such a… I don’t know. Guys like that don’t stop at just kissing, right? She even agreed, nodding her head. But then, out of nowhere, she came up with another one:
— Fine, but if you had to choose a boy… who would be the one for your first kiss? And no, you can’t say my brother.
I swear I froze. Besides her brother, no one else came to mind. Nothing, nobody, zero. My mind went completely blank. But then I took a deep breath, gathered some courage I didn’t even know I had, and blurted out:
— Carol… you could teach me how to kiss, couldn’t you?
She burst out laughing immediately, like I’d told the joke of the year. She grabbed the pillow, held it to the side, and said:
— Ah, practice like this… kissing the pillow!
And there she was, giving a practical lesson, kissing the pillow as if it were an imaginary boy, while looking at me with that naughty little smile at the corner of her mouth.