Saturday, May 2, 2015
2:30 PM
I had lunch at home with my parents and then headed over to my cousins’ house. The plan was to spend the afternoon at the pool.
It was just me, Carol, and Diego hanging out, talking, and catching some sun. Then we jumped in the water. That’s when Diego pulled me close, pressed my body against his, and started kissing me right in front of his sister. No hesitation. Like it was the most normal thing in the world.
The funniest part was watching Carol’s face—rolling her eyes and twisting her mouth. She wasn’t against it because we were cousins; it was because of her brother’s nature. She was always warning me: “He’s a pervert. He only thinks with the head between his legs.”
But back then I didn’t care. They say love is blind. In my case, it was blind and straight-up fucking stupid.
Later in the afternoon, Diego stepped back a little, ran his hand through his wet hair, and shook the water off in that cocky way of his.
— Rafa… I gotta head out soon.
I stopped smiling.
— Head out where?
— Taking Larissa to the movies.
The disappointment must’ve been all over my face, because he sighed and ran his hand down my arm.
— Come on, don’t make that face, girl. I’ll be back by eleven at the latest. Cool?
I stayed quiet for a few seconds, biting my lip, feeling this huge wave of frustration. I’d been holding onto something that, in my head, still mattered: my virginity. He already did whatever he wanted with me. Already fucked my ass, already came in my mouth whenever he felt like it. But my pussy… my pussy I was still saving. Like it was the last thing I could offer that hadn’t been used yet. Like handing that over would finally make him see I wasn’t just offering up my body.
— Fine. Probably for the best — I said, forcing a lighter tone. — Because I’ve got a surprise for you.
He raised an eyebrow, curious.
— What surprise?
— You’ll find out later. — I answered, still not handling the jealousy right.
Diego didn’t push it. He just smirked, gave me a quick kiss, and climbed out of the pool like always, not really giving a shit about me. This time, though, he’d noticed I was upset.
I stayed in the water, watching him disappear through the back door. My chest tightened and I started feeling like a total idiot. The idea of giving myself to him that night suddenly felt ridiculous. He was going out with his girlfriend, kissing someone else, probably fucking her… and I was here planning my “first time” like it was something special.
I sat on the edge of the pool, legs dangling in the water, watching the ripples, wondering if I should really go through with it. If it made any sense to give it to someone who, deep down, never actually chose me.
That’s when I heard his footsteps coming back. I looked up. Diego was standing a few feet away, staring at me the way he always did when he wanted to… use me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me close.
— Little slut… I wanna cum in your mouth before I go. Come on.
For a second I froze. The clear-headed part of me screamed to say no, but my body had already answered before my brain caught up. I let him lead me to the side of the house, into a more hidden spot away from the pool. He leaned back against the wall and immediately started unbuttoning his shorts, pulling his cock out, already rock hard.
— Get on your knees.
I obeyed. The second my knees hit the ground, he grabbed my hair hard and shoved his cock into my mouth. No gentleness. Straight in, deep, controlling the pace with his hand in my hair.
— That’s it, little slut… swallow it all!
While he talked, I thought: “This is how he sees me.” Not as the girl about to give up her first time. Not as someone special. Just the convenient little slut who drops to her knees when he tells her to and swallows when he cums. And even knowing that, I kept going. Because some stubborn part of me still believed that if I did it well enough, if I swallowed every drop right, maybe he’d come back different later. Maybe the surprise would change something.
Part of me thought about biting his cock. Another part—the nastier one—was already wet. My pussy was throbbing in this embarrassing way, betraying any attempt at resistance. I hated it. Hated how easily my body responded, even when my head was screaming that it was humiliating.
He yanked my hair harder and thrust deeper. I gagged, tears welling up, but I didn’t pull away. I kept sucking, deeper, wetter, swallowing the spit that dripped down. He groaned low, and I’ll admit I loved it—loved knowing he was getting off on my blowjob.
It didn’t take long. He came hard, straight down my throat, holding my head in place. I swallowed. I was used to the taste by now. His taste now mixed with disappointment.
Diego let go of my hair, fixed his shorts, and gave my face a careless pat.
— See you later.
And he left.
I stayed kneeling a few more seconds, his taste still in my mouth, my pussy throbbing. He’d used me and gone off to meet his girlfriend.
I got up slowly. Wiped the back of my hand across my mouth, trying to clean off what was left of him.
I hated the part of me that still hoped. Hated how my body stayed hot, like his cum in my throat was some kind of promise. And I hated even more that, even after all that, I was still planning to give him my virginity that same night.
Like it would make a difference. Like he’d look at me any different after actually fucking me. Like I wouldn’t still just be the little slut who drops to her knees when he tells her to.
Even so… I was gonna do it.